Illogic: Wario Starts a New Journey into Seminary

Illogic is a video game parody series written by our very own Mike Mordenga, the host of FilmLogic. Any resemblance to actual events, locales persons, living or dead, real or fictional, retro or modern, is entirely coincidental.

MUSHROOM KINGDOM- Wario, aged 45, is embarking on a vocation change that feels more like a calling than a career. The former bully and full-time treasure collector is attending Mushroom Kingdom Seminary in hopes of receiving a Masters in Divinity with a concentration in Couples Counseling.

"It was time for me to make a change in my life," Wario stated, picking a booger from his nose and putting it on his belly button. "I felt this call in the back of my mind and it took me this long to answer."

Wario plans to trade in his rare pearls, gold necklaces, old genie lamps, and vintage corndog collection to pay for tuition and books. Mushroom Kingdom Seminary costs 50,000 coins a year and has a 50% drop out rate. Bowser dropped out of his Pastoral Degree program two years ago.

"I know the odds are stacked against me." Wario admitted, making a trail of fart gas on his way to the bookshelf, "But I had my life changed by the good book. I know I can do this.

Wario showed us key passages in the Bible that helped him come to this decision. He then put the book back next to his collection of Body Hair Monthly Magazine.

"I want to give back to the Kingdom." Wario explained, sculpting a likeness of Mario with his earwax, "I think about Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Birdo a lot. I think I can help them. Waluigi has been in my prayers for a while now. Ever since he started worshiping Shyguys."